That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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