Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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