I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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