Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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