just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
