Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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