You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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