remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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