I will die if light touches me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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