She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
