I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize