he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
