its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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