I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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