This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
