Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
