going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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