I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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