Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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