How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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