remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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