you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
BRING THE BAGELS
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
