sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
