your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
