clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
