Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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