Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
