Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
