If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
