Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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