I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
