Whod you bang
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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