dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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