Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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