Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
two words...techno handjob
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
