Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
