i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
