I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
