yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
