The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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