I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
