Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
