I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
