Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
