life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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