I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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