i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She said her name was "party"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
