I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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