Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
