and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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