So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
