So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
